I cheated but I want to save my relationship. Nine communication tools that can save your marriage. Let’s get started. The first tip or tool that I have for you is centered around the notion of listening to understand rather than listening to respond or to reply to your partner too often. We get defensive and we are seeking to be right or to come out on top to win an argument instead of being focused on listening to understand what our partner. What our husband or a wife girlfriend or a boyfriend is actually saying to us if they are communicating. It’s because there is a need there some emotional need that needs to be addressed. So why don’t you stop defending yourself or try to convey how you feel and start to really tune in to what they are saying.
Don’t blame your partner
Don’t play the blame game. Don’t start to attack your partner and blame them for your own happiness, for what they are not providing for you. If you do that, your partner is going to be defensive and they are going to be the ones responding to your bids or to your comments just to be right. Not to try to resolve common issues, they feel like they’re responsible for everything and they’re gonna want to defend themselves instead of pulling in the same direction to make the relationship, right. Have empathy. A relationship cannot blossom if you don’t have empathy for your significant other and I’m not just talking about having sympathy for what they are going through. But truly dive into the emotion that they are feeling and feel that emotion with them acknowledge their pain. Validate their feelings, let them be heard.
Constructive criticism is the key
When your partner is venting or giving you constructive criticism, it is helpful for you to echo their message. Number one to make sure that you actually understand what they are saying. And number two to give them a chance to realize and accept and digest the fact that you’ve truly heard them that you understand what they are feeling and what they need from you. And you can do that, but it’s basically just echoing what they have said using their own words to basically convey the message that they have conveyed to. It’s important for you to talk. In terms of what makes your partner tick, don’t be self centered in your communication habits, really try to connect with your partner to marry your wants. Your idea and your needs with their interests with things that they can relate to so that it doesn’t become and me versus you battle, but you actually start to pull together and develop healthier communication habits centered on both joint common interests and needs. The next step is to let your partner talk. They need to be able to express themselves and the more someone talks about themselves. The more they feel good, the more they feel heard and the more they feel understood. One of the secrets that I learned reading napoleon hill’s book. How to win friends and influence people. Which is an amazing book, by the way. Is that people definitely yearn to talk about themselves and to talk about things that they love to talk about and when you give the opportunity to someone to talk about themselves, they’ll consider you a friend. Of course, you have to be genuinely interested. In what the other person is saying. But there is no better way to connect with someone than to let them talk about the things that they are interested in and you can bring this notion into your marriage into your relationship in order to strengthen your communication with your significant other. It goes without saying that it’s important for you to show respect to show respect in your tone, to show respect and how you look at your partner and how you value their time and just to show respect to what you are building together as a unit. A common life project cannot happen unless both people feel respected and in many coaching sessions, I find that one or both parties don’t feel respected in their relationship and in order to ensure that you maximize communication with your significant other. Make sure that they feel respected by you through your words and your actions.
Admit that you were wrong
Another important tip is to admit when you are wrong. Nothing can be more destructive to healthy communication than two people. Camped on their in their respective positions. Unable to take accountability for themselves and for their shortcomings. And if you have an inability to take accountability for your faults for your wrongdoings. How can you expect your partner to be accountable to you as well, you need to lead by example and you need to take accountability for the things, the mistakes that you’ve made and what you could have done better along the way your partners your mirror will let you know what those mistakes were. It’s also, of course, very important to make the other person feel important. Overall, that’s what communication is about. It’s about really, truly listening to someone validating all that they are making them feel heard. And. It’s very difficult to have a healthy communication with someone that feel that you are making feel unimportant. And that’s something unfortunately, that a lot of people struggle with despite the fact that you care and love for your partner, your actions are saying otherwise. You are telling them that they are unimportant, perhaps because you’re not focused when they are talking to you. You may be looking at your phone or doing something else or perhaps you’re rolling your eyes and your body language is conveying to your partner that they are not important or that what they feel is being devalued, by the way. That you are positioning yourself. Finally, intense situations, it’s very, very helpful to start. Communicating on things that you actually agree about if you successfully are able to get your partner to say yes once twice or three times the odds are that they will say yes to your stronger, more important. Complaints or constructive criticism. Most of the time people are defensive and camped on their position before a conversation even begins. It’s a conflict of ego and consensus is not built because you’re just so focused on yourself. So get into the habit of building consensus early in conversations. Especially for important meaningful conversations so that by the time you get to your crescendo or your most important ask your partner is pulling in the same direction with you.