Anyone who caught their partner cheating with someone would say this. Getting cheated on is absolutely positively one of the worst things that can happen to you. I know because it’s happened to me too and quite honestly, emotions start to take over. We don’t think rationally and basically it’s just numbness and pain and many people can’t relate if you haven’t been cheated on before. Perhaps you also um you know, won’t be able to relate to how difficult this can be. And the first thing that I want to tell you is that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel vulnerable. It’s okay for you to have those few days or weeks of agony. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself. For some time. As long as you are in damage control mode. You want to make sure that you don’t do anything that can make you feel worse or that can damage yourself love and your self respect long term because if you do. If you indulge and really have a go or. Make a fool of yourself in essence. After you’ve been cheating cheated on, it’s only going to prolong the pain and that’s not how we are able to bounce back.
It’s okay to feel bad
So my first key message here is to say that it’s okay. It’s okay if you feel like crap quite honestly. As long as you are in damage control mode and as long as you don’t let those emotions get the best of you and how you communicate with your ex-significant other with this person that cheated on you or with the world. I know how you feel because. I’m a love coach. This is what I do. I’ve helped thousands of individuals heal their broken relationship and I know what you are feeling right now. And the reality is that most of you are torn. You’re torn because you feel like crap and because you literally want to obliterate this person and tell them off. And at the same time, you still kind of love them. And you want to make it right.
You want to forgive them. You want to be able to rebuild this relationship and pretend like nothing happened but you can’t because it did happen and. You’re suffering the consequences at the moment. But it’s ok for you to be torn. It’s ok. The heart wants one thing and your head is telling you another and that’s where this conflict is coming from. Your heart is still very much in love, sometimes even more in love. Because you’ve lost control and because you feel like your relationship is slipping away, it’s kind of twisted, but it’s true. Sometimes the less you have a controller the more you feel rejected and the more intense the feelings are, but at the same time you realize that this isn’t right that you don’t deserve it, but this person isn’t who you thought they were. You can believe that they’ve done this to you and so your head is telling you no way, no more. And that’s where this internal conflict is coming from. And it’s perfectly okay.
Social aspect of cheating
Another thing that most people struggle with is the social proof element, the social aspect of cheating, the fact that. People know whether their friends or family or people that you’ve started to just imagine in your head. The way that people look at you and what people have to say does impact you because we are social beings. And that can be a very difficult aspect of any act of infidelity to really kind of wrap your head around. And I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. The truth be told what truly matters is, what is what’s happening right here in your own head because most of the time you are your worst enemy. Your own worst enemy, you make yourself. And this situation be a lot worse than it actually is. This act of infidelity is a reflection of your significant others action and their worth and their decision making process, not yours truth. When we are in a position of weakness or vulnerability. We tend to imagine that the worst possible. Situation or circumstance is upon us. We make things a lot worse than they actually are because we are in this negative spiral and perhaps people are talking and perhaps. Some people have something to say, but it’s usually not as bad as you think. And what matters truly, like I said. Is how you perceive the situation and how you feel and what other people say or don’t say won’t make you feel better. That’s not the solution. So now the question. If this person is remorseful, are they actually trying to work on the relationship or not, if they are not trying to work on the relationship, it’s probably best for you to take a step back and not. Fight for them right away. You would be sending the wrong message. What does it say if they cheat and you chase it means that you are not really valuing yourself and they’re going to lose attraction. So I’m going to go with the assumption here that if they cheated on you and they’re not trying to make it right that you’re going to be strong enough to pull away if you are not, there will be other videos that you can find on this channel that can help you heal and weather the storm through this damage control period. If they are trying to make things right. Well, then I suggest that you don’t look at what they say and instead focus on what they do. It’s too easy to be as someone through words. I’ve seen my fair share of sweet talkers, manipulators, narcissists and. Words are usually their weapons of choice. But it’s a lot more difficult to be as someone. Through your actions. Because actions reflect your being. And. I’m not one of those who will say that you need to x this person out for life because my philosophy is basically built on the principle of unity and trying to help couples stay together. I realize that human beings make mistakes. I realized that sometimes good people can make bad choices. And so even when cheating has occurred. If there’s a will for two people to make it right. I’m the coach that you want to turn to because I strive and yearn to help you rebuild these types of relationships. That is what we do unhappily committed and that is why I’ve invested so much time building a program to help couples survive infidelity. And if you’re interested in learning more. I’m sure that you can find more information in the description below. So if you are working on trying to figure this one out, make sure that you focus on your exes or your partner’s actions, not what they are saying. They will do. And give them time to prove to you that they can be trusted again. So finally, if you were cheated on, it’s very, very important that you focus on healing. You need to learn to trust again. You need to ultimately accept. To put yourself back out there and to be vulnerable again because love is about vulnerability if you refuse to put yourself in a vulnerable place, unfortunately you won’t be able to experience deeper and deeper meanings of love. And I know that it’s not easy. I know that it’s actually really, really hard that you’re maybe scarred or jaded. But you can overcome this. I’ve seen so many people overcome really bad situations and basically create the relationship that they always wanted. People are able to grow and to learn through adversity. And I believe that you can do and I believe that your partner can do as long as they’re willing to fight the good fight and as long as they are taking accountability for their actions.