How do you get somebody to tell the truth about cheating with someone. There are ways. Let’s break it down. I am an expert on betrayal trauma. I’m going to tell you that there are ways to get your partner to tell the truth about cheating. But I’m also going to tell you some things that you might be surprised by. First off, I want to ask you, how do you know that your partner is cheating? Now you might have clear evidence. Maybe you found something on their phone or the fair partner called you and told you about it. So you have some clear evidence about the cheating. So once you have this evidence, you’re worried that your partner is still going to deny it. They’re still not going to be honest about the cheating. So there’s some things that you can do to get them to tell the truth. Disclosure is tricky and the way things are disclosed when it comes to betrayal can either start to help the healing process or cause more damage.
Why do you want your partner to admit it?
So it’s important for you to understand why you’re looking to get them to admit these things and how you want them to admit these things. So let me give you some examples. It’s common when you know that your partner is cheating to go to your partner. Confront them, and then try to dig for every last detail that you possibly can get. Now this may be not a good thing. And the reason is is because those details set you up for future triggers, they set you up for when you drive past a certain restaurant or or see a certain movie or whatever it is, you are triggered into trauma. It’s important that you know what’s going on and it’s important that certain things get disclosed to you. But knowing every last detail may not be what’s best for you, it’s really helpful to talk to a therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma, who does disclosure processes that can help you walk through this process so that it’s done effectively if you want good therapist who can help you through the disclosure process.
You cannot force your partner to tell the truth
The truth is is you cannot force somebody to do anything so you can go to your partner and say, look. I have all this evidence. I can show it to your face. I need you to admit these things and they still might not admit it so you can’t force your partner to get honest and forcing your partner to get honest, isn’t going to help. In the trust building process, it might help you to confront the situation and start to move forward in what you need to do, but it’s not going to help in the trust building process. So confronting them is important, but don’t expect them to actually do the right thing to care about you and to rebuild trust in the relationship because you confront them. I’m going to talk about the specific things that you can rely upon to help your partner get honest. But before I do remember to go subscribe to my channel. The first thing that you can rely upon is the hard facts. So it’s helpful if you actually have some evidence, you might just be thinking that something’s going on, but you might be caught up in a lot of assumption. Now I’m not trying to make you double guess yourself or question yourself. I don’t want you to do that because I want you to trust your gut. I want you to to trust what your intuition is telling you, but also be aware that you may have created a story.
Work with the facts
So get down to what the facts are and try to get some hard facts about what’s actually happening. If you have phone records, if you have evidence in some way, that’s very helpful to confront your partner. The next thing that I want you to look at and this might contradict what I said a little bit, but I’m going to explain is I want you to trust your gut. I want you to trust your gut feel for things a lot of times people will talk themselves out of things because they don’t want the hard reality of what’s actually going on if it walks like a duck. If it talks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck and so face that fact, trust your gut and be willing to go to your partner and say, look, I may not have the hard facts, but it sure feels like this to me and this is why it feels like this to me and I want to tell you that I am feeling like trust is being broken. I am feeling like something is happening. The third thing is you are much more likely to get the truth from your partner. If you’re a safe partner, so it’s ok to be emotional about what’s happening, angry. Frustrated, scared, sad, whatever you’re feeling, but it’s important that you can convey to your partner that you just want to hear the truth. You’re there to listen and you want them to open up to you no matter what it is, please just tell me what the honest truth is. If you go and you threaten divorce or you threaten anything in that moment, your partner is going to probably retreat. So remove threats from the equation. It’s okay to be emotional, but try to be as safe as you can for your partner to open up to you. Be honest with your partner about who you are and what’s going on and about how you feel. Be aware about what’s going on around. You pay attention to what’s going on around you and it’s okay to be persistent. A cheating partner will lie and lie and lie again and so stay the course. Be persistent if you have the facts. If you have a gut feel, if you’re really feeling like cheating is going on. Stay persistent and keep confronting the situation until you feel like real honesty is coming out. Again, there are healthy ways for disclosure to come out. And one thing that a cheating partner will often do is what I call the trickle out effect. What they’ll do is they’ll give you enough information to satisfy. What you think could be going on and avoid a lot of information. So they’ll trickle out a little at a time. It’s really destructive because what it does is it sets you up to not know what you don’t know. Well, they told me something, but now they’re telling me more and now they’re telling me more what actually did happen and this is why it’s helpful to go to a specialist who can walk you through a disclosure process. You can lay everything on the table and you can start the healing process.