My husband is cheating on me. If you’ve discovered infidelity. What you could do, what you shouldn’t do? I want to explain to you that infidelity does not mean it is the end of your marriage. I want you to understand that your marriage is a whole think of it is. As a as a living plant. When a plant is well taken care of. When you just give it the basics.
Relationship as a plant
The water that it needs, the food that it needs protected from the bugs. Well, then that plant will do well. But if you don’t, then what happens is. The bugs see a weakness. They come in diseases, hit the plant. Leaves turn brown. You have all kinds of symptoms. And this is what happens in marriages. A lot of people don’t understand this. Because of how marriages are typically approached when there’s a problem. It’s approached by attacking the symptoms. Okay, what happened. But that doesn’t work. What works is healing the plant, healing the marriage. That is what needs to happen and there’s just no getting around that. Because the symptom of infidelity is a huge one. It means that the marriage plant the marriage is really close to an end and it’s been working its way towards that for a quite a long time. So it’s a different premise. I know, but we’ve been saving thousands of marriages that have hit this line where people think, oh my god, it’s all over. My husband has cheated on me. He’s cheated on me with my best friend. He’s cheated on me with his old girlfriend. He’s gone, tinder or whatever.
Is cheating the end of relationship?
No, it’s not at all the end of your marriage. You can revive your marriage, but there are certain things you should not do. This is the biggest problem that we run into is. When a wife discovers her husband has been cheating. She confronts him. So this is rule number one, don’t confront him. It isn’t going to work the reason why it’s not going to work. Is because when people are confronted, their mind is telling them that they’re being attacked. And we are driven primarily. By our drive to survive because we’re biological, I’ve heard one person describe it as we are angels in an animal body because we’re souls essentially we’re souls, but because we’re in this body, the drive to survive from our body is telling the mind, watch out, watch out, watch out. So your husband. When you confront him, he’s going to feel threatened. And he’s going to do one of two things and you know this he’s either going to fight. Are fly, right. That’s what happens. So either way, it’s not going to be a good thing, so don’t confront him. What should you do instead. Pull back, you got to get yourself educated about what is really going on in your marriage.
How to save a marriage?
What have you been doing, that’s not working so that you could start addressing that and calm things down now. In order to do that, you have to calm yourself down. And that requires some effort as well. But if you’re not coming from a calm place, you’re not going to make good decisions once you are in a commonplace. Why then you could start addressing your marriage. So the first thing to remember, don’t confront., remain loving. And then calm yourself down, get into a space. Where you are. You you the soul now I’m going to share something with you that most people simply don’t know, but you’re going to see how obvious it is and you’re going to go how come people don’t know this and that’s basically what I asked too. So you have to ask yourself, why is my husband cheating on me. Here’s the thing. Men are not women. Men are not connected to their hearts the way women are for biological reasons women are connected to their hearts because they become mothers. And so if they’re not connected to their heart, who’s going to take care of this child. Because children are tough work. So women are naturally connected to their hearts due to a lack of education. Women don’t realize that men are not connected to their hearts. Women think he’s just like me only he’s a guy and I love him for it. So what does this mean, this means that in life. Women connect very easily with each other. Because your hearts are somewhat opened. Men don’t have that men are the warriors of the two genders and so they’re closed off. Now the only time that a man felt unconditional love was when he was a baby from his mother. And now what’s he looking for when he gets married, it isn’t sex. It’s that same unconditional love. So you may want to ask yourself, have I been providing unconditional love. For my husband. Some of you might go, well, he’s been a jerk or he’s been this or he’s been that I’m telling you now that’s the wrong approach. That’s not going to help. So evaluate what you have going on. Think about it because you have a choice right now. You could save your marriage or you could end your marriage. I suggest you save it. I’ve seen thousands get saved. I’ve seen very few not saved when the work is done. So you might as well go for it because you have a lot invested into your marriage and you might as well go for it correctly and go for that unconditional love. Go for the love and harmony that should. Define your marriage too.
My husband is cheating on me. Should I leave him?
I heard this story before, my husband is cheating on me. We’re going to talk today about something that is really troubling for a lot of ladies who have discovered that their husbands are having an affair or they discover texts that tells them clearly that their husband is having an affair and they don’t know what to do. They want to know what should I do because I still love my husband. But how can I stand for this. How can I tolerate it, what about the kids, what about our social life? What if he’s going to leave me any way, and so all these important questions come up. And it’s hard to have an answer in today’s world because in today’s world. They don’t make things simple. They go well. Is he this. Are you that blah, blah, blah, I’m going to make it simple for you.
Do you want to save your marriage?
First, we’re going to start with as simple as it gets. It’s a binary choice. In other words. You have only two choices. One, are you going to save your marriage because. It can be saved. Or two. Are you going to quit your marriage? You really want to have a double hard line. Now there’s another option. That is not an option. And that is the option of well. I want to save it if. you’ve got to get rid of that option entirely. It’ll drive you crazy. It won’t work. It’s imagine you’re climbing the matter horn and you’re wondering whether you should go to the top, whether you should give it your all. But every step you take, you go. Well, let me decide after the next step. If that happens, you go crazy, you can’t do it. So there’s a binary choice. So the first thing I’m going to help you with is that I’m going to ask you to ask questions of yourself that are really important. Is he mercilessly beating you up and I’m not talking about has he once pushed you or grabbed your hand when you were gonna slap him. Is he a violent, nasty person who beats you. Because you should probably get away for the sake of yourself and for your children. Is he a gangster? Is he highly involved. In the mafia or something in. Because if so he isn’t going to change, you married the wrong person. Look, there’s probably a few more like those, but that’s the extreme that you can know for sure. I gotta get out of this marriage. And primarily for the safety of your children, okay, so that you might say is the top level, should I or shouldn’t I then it becomes a choice that you have to make on your own. And I’m going to try and help you make that choice on your own.
Why do marriages fail?
First of all, there’s so much knowledge out there about. Marriages that fail because the husband was having an affair. Well, I’m going to tell you that that is not why the marriage failed. Absolutely. Now I spoke many, many times at second saturday support group for women who are going through divorce and saved a lot of those marriages because they were also under this misconception. That if your husband is cheating, it’s the end of your marriage. No, your marriage ended before your husband cheated on. You think about it if your marriage was good and healthy and you’re interacting the way you should in a marriage, why would he cheat on you. He wouldn’t now some women flip out and they go, oh. So you’re telling me it’s my fault. Well, partially probably not entirely. Of course not. But what I will and by the way, I don’t condone infidelity. Nor do I condemn people who make mistakes. Okay. So let’s go back to this. If you’re hug. It goes back even further. When you got married, why did you get married, you got married to be happy. You didn’t get married to fight. You didn’t get married so that your husband will get tired of you and he would start using porn and then look for somebody else. He didn’t get married so he can be. Told that he’s useless or not doing a good job for you or doesn’t please you and honey, we really need to talk about these things you have to do for me. That’s not why he got married. That’s not why you got married. So before he cheated on you. Your marriage was already dysfunctional. Why it was dysfunctional because there’s no courses in school. I’m I’m being literal here. There’s no courses in school that teach us how to get along with each other. Much less how to get along, think of your marriage as a close container. No one teaches you how to get along with one other person. In a closed container. So instead of being soulmates, you became cell mates. Isn’t that the truth, come on, you have not been happy in your marriage. You cannot go my husband’s cheating on me, therefore I need to get a divorce. No, that’s not fair to your husband. Not fair to yourself, not fair to your children. It’s ludicrous. It’s insane when you realize that you’re driving a car that has the wrong size tire on it, thus causing it to wobble and cause all kinds of problems, you change the tire to the right size tire. Well, what if you go into a ditch, let’s look at his cheating on you as going into a ditch, the marriage. The whole marriage is in danger where you don’t throw out the car. You get it out of the ditch. You repair it. You fix the tire and you ride like a brand new car. That’s the answer.
Fixing your marriage
Basically, you get to fix your marriage. Now we’re gonna talk about that a little bit. And we’re going to talk about that because common knowledge, quote unquote is nonsense. It’s not the end of your marriage. You have to look at. I’m going to repeat this because it’s very important point. Your husband was cheating on you and I’m trusting you. That that’s actually what happened. He was cheating on you because he was not getting out of his marriage. What he should have been. And that tells me neither were you. You didn’t have a well running marriage. I’m going to give you more information when you live by the rules of marriage. Marriage does nothing but produce happiness. And harmony. That is ever expanding. That’s how it works. So I’m going to go back to the car analogy. If you get a car that, for instance. Has a bad part inside it and you can’t get that thing to go over thirty miles an hour of the chuggy chuggy chuggy. You don’t get rid of the car. You fix the chuggy chuggy chuggy, you fix the pot. Well, how do you know. What you learn enough about cars or you bring it to someone who does now I don’t want you to bring your marriage to someone who knows about marriage because you need to learn all of it. In order to save your marriage now. It takes a couple of parts. It takes learning about marriage so you can see, oh, this is what I’ve done wrong. And then it takes. Changing yourself, not your husband. So that you’re not doing those things wrong anymore and your husband starts seeing you as the light in his life. Again, that’s how he saw you before you got married. He saw you as the light in his life. The apple of his eye, the spark of his soul should I go on, you get the point. We’re taught in our society nowadays that men and women are equal. We’re not. Women. Reflect women are the open door. Of love. Men don’t have the same thing that women have. So we’re also taught. That we should have sex. As entertainment. No, we shouldn’t. We should have sex. As an extension of our heart’s love. But we’re not taught, we’re not taught how so there’s so many deficiencies in your marriage. Don’t start with the deficiency of your husband cheating on you see that as a symptom. Your husband, I’m going to pound this into your head. Your husband is cheating on you because he’s not getting what he wants out of the marriage that makes his cheating a symptom. It’s an effect. The causes the marriage has been and remains unhappy. Okay. So do we have that straight. What’s the bottom line here, the bottom line here is you can fix your marriage. You can completely turn it around. You can turn it into the most amazing marriage on the planet. You could be filled with joy and happiness and then the next obvious questions. But how do I get past this. Well. I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy. But what I am going to tell you is that. It is simple. Different than easy, but it’s simple and it’s doable. Okay. Why is it simple. It’s simple and explanation and I’m going to give you. For why it’s simple. Is there going to be way out of the ballpark for you because we’re not taught these things, but that’s the only reason why. So. You have a mind. Right. Course. The way you see yourself having a mind is important. Once again, you have a mind. Possess you possess a mind. Who’s in charge. You are the mind. And here’s where we all lose our lives. We lose our lives. To habits and instincts of the mind. We are controlled and manipulated by our minds. When in reality. Because we possess the mind we are supposed to control it. Wow. How do you do that. There’s literally. Simple ways to do it. One one way to control your mind is through willpower. And you know what when I say that. That resonates, you could say to yourself. I’m not doing that again ever, ever, ever. Who’s coming up with that willpower. It’s not your mind because you’re controlling it. You’re saying I have the willpower to tell my mind, I’m not going to eat another piece of chocolate cake. And you don’t. Who is this person who’s controlling the mind, ah so you you’re a soul, you control the mind. Willpower is one. Not many people have enough will power. The next way. Is called a work around. Many, many, many years ago. I decided I was going to give up lying everybody lies, right? I never lie. How did I accomplish that. It was nineteen eighty one. That’s a long time ago. Some of you were not even born yet in nineteen eighty one. I realize I was lying a lot. I also realized I didn’t have the willpower to not lie when I felt that I was on the spot and I would get in trouble by not telling a white lie or a gray lie. And so what are you did. Was I created a work around for myself, and this is the second way. I knew that I could command myself. To tell the person I just lied to that. I just lied to them. Humiliate myself so badly that I would be afraid to ever lie again and that’s exactly what I did now work around are self created. You can’t go to someone and go give me a work around. Nobody knows you like you. So you can create your own work around. So that’s a work around the third way. Is so beautiful. It’s literally beautiful. It wasn’t created by me. It was actually first coined by a saint who lived five thousand years ago his name was patanjali. What it’s called is holy indifference. Well achieving holy indifference. Is quite an accomplishment in and of itself. But you can do it. What does that mean, that means that you recognize that you’re a soul. As I’m sorry as the soul you tell the mind to act in a particular way with wisdom. So you’re faced with a challenge. You recognize it’s a challenge objectively, but instead of being your challenge. You see it as your mind’s challenge. And you tell the mind. Mind you want to do it this way. You want to be defensive. You want to. Get jealous, you want to get angry. You want to be disruptive, you want justice, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you go, no, we’re not going to do that mind. You work for me. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to recognize I am a soul. You work for me. Don’t worry about this. Here’s how we’re going to handle it. And usually when you do that, not usually all the time. You then handle your mind. And your minds challenges. With you’re the soul. What is the soul, what is the soul consist of love. So you handle it with love. Now. You’re not going to learn how to save your marriage in these videos. Are you kidding me. But you can learn how to save your marriage. Because I’ve say thousands of them so you can do it too. Don’t give up. Don’t throw away your marriage because of this. You shouldn’t do that. Your marriage is an amazing investment of time and energy so far. Now you need to put in the time and energy to learn how to be married, learn how to make that small space that you and your husband. Are in make it the sacred space of marriage. That’s what I call it and you could turn this marriage into the most amazing thing. Look, I’m not just telling you this. We’ve done this thousands of times. You would not believe. The emails that we get. And we have helped people. I personally have helped people. Go from literally. The husband is. Not just cheated on his wife, he’s moved in with his girlfriend. And he’s come back. Now I don’t have a magic wand. But I understand the magic of love and I understand that your husband married you. Because he saw you as his soulmate. But he’s lost sight of that because you have not been behaving.